little-self

….fossils from ls’s closed shelf)
Desire

“I”, ‘an I are homes of soul ‘n’ sound
I abodes the mind, roams the cosmos
“I” is the cause behind their creation
Desire fosters the mind, nourishes its ego
Identifying with creations, directionless they become

*
Past

That which is not shared- is PAST

Standing on the brink of past
I plunge in future
By-passing present
I recover in past
*
…..ls workshop) GLIMPSES OF REALITY…9

His family was under debt of a government department and some other lenders as well. His elder brother had taken some loan from the Industries department, whose yearly installments had not been paid for over three years. All of a sudden recovery notice came through the court orders. They had no alternative except to pay back the due loan along with the compound interest. His father rushed to him to save his brother from being arrested. Till that time he was honest to bones, morally and mentally. His was the lonely example in the department, for complaining against a rice mill owner for offering him bribe. The miller along with an inspector of the department was punished for the act. But the l.s was in a quandary now. He could not refuse his father the help he sought from him. He led his own son to dishonesty, even though he himself had properties which were worth millions in those days! (As a result of these properties, the family again became millionaire, because their value had gone up. This is another story). All through his life he had never for a day been reconciled to corruption. But a tide of destiny had swept all his idealism and thrown asunder the finer sensitivities, which his mother and elder sister had so assiduously nurtured in him.
Soon the family expenses rose up resulting in demands for more money. He could not ask for money from anybody either as loan or bribe. To mop up guts, he started drinking, a habit that kept his company till 1981.
His childhood had been spoilt by poverty and internal family feuds with the second uncle, who with the help of his Machiavellian sons had swept the rug of affluence from under them. His youth was snatched by the burden of financial worries. His elder brother on the other hand, had the unique knack of always engaging himself in losing business ventures, which not only ate up the principal investments, but burdened them with more loans and unpaid credits etc.
His eldest sister also played a substantial role in increasing his burdens by marrying off two of his younger brothers, who being dependent, were still living with their parents. They were unemployed, doing absolutely no work. Instead of alleviating his burden, rather they aggravated it by indulging themselves in litigations, brawls, womanizing and boozing---curtsey his beloved parents and the respected eldest sister! (Incidentally his elder sister had taken to Sanyaas-renunciation-in her youth). His conscience too had been corrupted by bribe, booze and brawls. So he became a rebel and fought back the society, by negating it, taunting its ethics, its codes of conduct, and openly challenging its peers. He hated the society, its inhabitants, and he also hated himself.
One fine morning, when he was twenty-four and a half, he received termination orders of his service although he had put in more than nine years of service with excellent record. The new Chief Minister of the state of Punjab passed these orders as his first edict after taking oath of his office. He had some personal grudge against him. At the time he had some money (few hundred thousands) that he laundered away in a hotel venture. Again, as usual, no bank balances no cars, no palatial mansions! A blank man with blank pockets! However he got some respite from the fast paced life, which he had been leading for the last five years. During those years he experienced a life, which could be an envy of any big Don. He had outstretched himself beyond his wildest imagination. When he reviewed his life, he realized he had nothing more to live for. There were no desires left to be fulfilled, no dreams to be realized! He had lived his life. Then what it was to aim for or look forward to? Only a mirage in the smog of an empty mind! Life became a burden without a purpose. Burnt out ambers create only shaky mirages, which leave behind only ashes of bad, stale memories. Nothing is bitter than stagnation in life. A directionless mind is like a rudderless boat in the vast expanse of the Samsaarik (worldly) ocean. Amen.
Tbc…………..