little-self

ls workshop)…23
The assembly of four, paired out to the lawns outside and sat relaxed in chairs, in a manners, that Angelee and Shantnu faced each other.
Gopi If you are conscious about our nakedness, should we also dress up?
Angelee It is my regard for my master that I covered up my nudity. Not that it mattered, for my love for you, is my shield, which no other man can pierce through. But to a Master, one must go with naked mind but with covered ‘self’ because whereas the master mends the infirmities of the mind, it is the duty of the self to mend its fences itself, as the master, cleans the minds not the unclean bodies, I have simply covered the blemishes of my body, whereas my mind is completely surrendered and that too in its original state of nudity. You know before spring all the threes shed off their leaves, birds their old plumes and the ponds dry up. But when spring sets in, trees cover themselves up with leaves, ponds fill with fresh water and birds grow colorful new plumes. It is their regard and respect for the new season, that they assume new looks, with beautiful veils of greenery, fresh waters and colors.
Umeshwari How lucky you are! You have attained in a trice what I could not attain even after spending years at the blessed feet of my Master.
Umeshwari and Gopi went to their respective lodges while Shantnu and Angelee watched their vanishing nudity.
Before the walls of his hut could cover his nudity, Gopi was called by Umeshwari to her cottage. As soon as he reached her, she caught hold of his hand and led him inside. Entering her room she opened the windows of the room, facing Shantnu and Angelee who were sitting in the lawn. She was tightly holding Gopi’s neck, with her left hand.
Angelee Has she tripped for all her labors? I pity her.
Shantnu No, Angelee, don’t pity her. She is a mortal human being. She was brought up in a so-called free society. She was bereft of the love of a mother. She had chosen the path of renunciation as a revolt to the society. She sincerely believed in the path of her choice. But it was an emotional decision which she tried all these years, to live up to. Her master could not release her pent up emotions. Considering all these factors, she has done quite well indeed. Her level of consciousness is much deeper and vaster than many a so-called masters of the day. But the only snag in her mental frame up is she never willingly tried to give herself up, voluntarily to a man or to her conscience. She is welled up between the two. Neither could she surrender to a man, nor to her wisdom. But after this night, she will be alright.
Angelee You mean, she will have a go at you also! But why Gopi or you when she had the entire world to play around!
Shantnu Are you jealous?
Angelee Jealous and me! I am rather happy, instead of falling in the dirty hands of others; she will be safe in the loving hands of my husband and my new found master. Love is not selfish, it demands giving and sharing. I do not believe in selfish love. It would be a bondage and not freedom.
Shantnu Now about your question; actually what happened yesterday or this morning, was due to her sudden emotional freedom. All of a sudden, under the pressure of her unleashed emotions, her dam of pent up feelings, burst, and she was simply swayed in their fast currents. But unconsciously, she was not ready for it. Her wisdom has not surfaced as yet. She danced naked in the presence of a person, whom she had considered always her younger brother. Though they had been brought up together, but deep down she always considered Gopi, her inferior, subservient to her. Gopi too, could not reconcile to the new environment of Aggarwala family on equal terms. He could never click on their level, even if, his status in their household, was that of a brother and sister, father and son. You just saw, even if Gopi had other ideas, but he was mutely led by Umeshwari and he simply obeyed. Both of them will not be able to accept the new relationship and would have remorseful feelings later.
About why she chose Gopi, not me, is due to the reason she felt ashamed of her behavior in the presence of Gopi. Though both of you took part in the drama, but you had the cover of each other. Your love for each other is the shield, as you say, for any encroachment. But she had no such shield or cover of love. Therefore, when a person bares his/her guards in front of another person and has qualms thereafter they invariably try to establish equanimity with that person/object. If a person harms himself in front of other, he is sure to establish peace with that person. And if the person happens to be of opposite gender, extreme intimacy is the result.
Umeshwari had ashamed herself in front of Gopi and now, she wants to amend the cause of that shame by making Gopi an associate in her guilt---hence both are sharing their quilts. But the opposite would happen. Both shall emerge a little dwarfed, with more guilt attached.
And why she did not chose me, was due to my non attachment to her. Though she is as beautiful as you are, I was not sensually influenced by either of you. I like beauty and I have all praise for it. Persons are not important but the beauty, they permeate, is more important.
She understands this, so she did not prefer me. She was afraid of my rejection.
Angelee And Gopi could not dare to reject her. But she was flaunting herself shamelessly in the window. Why?
Shantnu It was not her affront before us. It was an act of protest, against herself, her conscience, her finer self and finally against her chastity.
They heard the subdued voices of their foot steps; Gopi was going meekly, towards his hut, covering his nakedness, with a wrapped towel, around his torso, both laughed.
They both went inside the cottage and had a hearty lunch of vegetable ‘pranthas’ (stuffed rotis-bread) as neither Gopi nor Umeshwari, responded to their calls for lunch.
While they were having their lunch, Umeshwari had taken her showers at least twice. Smells of a varieties of perfumes was cascading out of her doors. Again and again, she was taking baths. Repeated sounds of flushing and showers were coming from her bathroom, as if she was trying to clean her conscience, not body. The unclean spots on a body are washed easily but the spots of conscience are the irritants ever there, forever.
Angelee did not go to her hut, so they preferred to sit in the verandah, just outside the small dining room.

Angelee Please tell me about conscience.
Tbc……..