little-self

ls workshop) Quest In Reality…..27

Angelee You know, when an Indian girl marries, she leaves being her parents, her brothers, sisters, everything related to her. If she is lucky, her husband gives her different types of love and plays a variety of roles to fill her vacuum. He is supposed to be her father, mother, brother and sister. Every husband has to manifest all of these relations to her newly wedded wife. That home becomes a heaven, otherwise things would go astray and they can never share a happy life. So my dear, for me, you are all of these things, for I see them all in you. For me you are a complete man. And now no more lectures, go and make her a complete woman. She was never loved by a man. She needs a man not a boy.
Without waiting for his reply, they went to the cottage. She got busy in the preparation of diner. Shantnu, entered his room and kept himself locked till dinner was announced.
Shantnu took the tray of food and entered the room of Umeshwari, which happened to be unlocked. She kept her room dark but full of aesthetic smells, instead of the fragrance of perfumes that had been coming out of her room in the morning. He switches on the lights. She was sitting cross-legged in a yogic pose. She was wearing an orange robe and her hair was loose, touching the Persian carpet.
She turned around and faced him smiling. She took the tray and motioned him to sit alongside her, on the carpet floor. Despite his protest she began to feed, alternatively both the mouths, and continued feeding him. Her room was full of the aroma of Indian incense sticks, which though had burnt out, but their benign scents still prevailed.
After the meals, she led him by the hand and brought him to her bed.
Umeshwari Now loves me. No talk, no dialogue, we had enough of these. I want you now, so oblige! I know your state of mind. You love Angelee. But at one time, you thought, you loved me. Before me, you had presumed, you loved Kamani. It is not because of some deficiency in your character. Some unknown power has brought a variety of women in your post-memory-lapse time. All of them played their assigned roles according to your requirements and predestined commands. When you were in sensual state, Kamani came into your life, playing a gross (Tamasic=slothful) role. She helped you to the next ladder of mind, and a worldly (Rajasic=passionate) woman that is me came by. Your state at the time was hovering between the mind and intellect. So also was the state of the woman that is me, rolling between objective world and the intellect. Like Kamani, I played my role and brought you to the next step of wisdom. Kamani was the pleasure of your senses; I was the joy of your mind and now Angelee is staring at you at the next gate of wisdom, which opens to the abode of happiness. We, as individuals i.e. Kamani and me, were not important and Angelee too won’t be indispensable as the journey your pursuit leads only to Reality. We were the necessary links---wayward rejuvenating posts---who helped you on your succeeding steps. Now is the turn of Angelee, she too will fade away but your journey will continue. So I do not have any qualms about Angelee, for no woman can hold you for long, much less forever, because your destination is not us, but the Reality.
Your analysis about me is correct except for a few gaps here and there.
Angelee rightly said to leave your mind and conscience with her, because I don’t need them. I need your strong body and do whatever you want but love me now.
Whatever she was, she was a beautiful intelligent woman, whom anybody could love and adore.
Her analyses about him seemed logical. He was definitely controlled by some ‘power’, which was playing with him and making him dance on its strings. But again and again, something checked him and as a last resort, he diverted his mind to Angelee and superimposed her image on Umeshwari. He knew it was his conscience that was nagging him.
Shantnu But you are a virgin! I thought that Gopi…
Umeshwari A fool you were. You are not a complete master of your mind. Some vestige of your imagination are still lurking there. The poor fellow simply could not stand my charms and he could not… be a man, as Angelee commanded you and put the seed of life in me. I want to bear an extension of your love for I love you! I need a living object of your love, by whose presence I could associate with your love and thus could live my life in your remembrance..
That night, Gopi and Angelee, closed their windows tightly because they could not bear to hear the wails of ecstasies coming from her room. Early morning, they heaved a sigh of relief. There was silence in the cottage. No life stirred in the orchard. It seemed as if birds too had left their permanent hearths. Perhaps they too could not stand the lusty echoes, reverberating the cottage, strange sounds shied them away as they were not used to them. The cottage for them was the nest of peace. But last night, its peace was disturbed and they flew in haste, leaving behind their nest and happy environs.
Tbc…..