little-self

ls workshop) Quest In Reality………-157
Shantnu But how could you achieve success in meditation and have knowledge of the world which is beyond the conceptional mind?
Umeshwari The purpose of life is to be a complete human being, and attain to the states of happiness and bliss. It is possible if one attains perfect balance in life. Whether be a worldly man or an ascetic, wordy attachments distract him. Whatever profession one is engaged in life, is out of necessity, not by choice, hence one neither lives (love) through them nor understands them. What one is confronted with is the visible world and its vicissitudes which he tries to overcome by applying the sense of discrimination. The worlds he lives by are visible but the analysis he does, is metal process. At the time of self-analysis or self-inquiry, he dissects the worlds which are wicked in his memory. That is, whatever he lives by, are automatically pictured in his brain. At the time of discrimination he analysis the expressions (projections) of the outside world, which have now become impressions and the worlds without, exist no more. In my case, I did not live in the outside world but in the worlds of my imaginations. Both are illusory. Whatever the former could achieve ultimately, perfect balance in life, I had achieved by living in my inside worlds.
Shantnu But there is difference between the two. One is practical (objective) and the other is imaginative.
Umeshwari What is the difference? Aims and results are the same in both the case!
Shantnu How?
Umeshwari In both the worlds we feel pleasure and pain; gain and loss; happiness and sorrow, anger, greed, envy, attachment, repulsion, passion and lust. All of these lead us to the fullness of emotions, whether experienced practically or in imagination. The purpose is to enrich our emotional feeling to the optimum level, so that we come out of the pleasure/pain levels and merge in joyous state of mind. That is possible only, if we have gone through the fullest levels of emotions, feelings and attained the subtle state.
Shantnu And what is that?
Umeshwari When we have passed the emotional levels of the body and identify ourselves with the mind where mind is witness to the body and body has taken a secondary position of a utility unit only.
Shantnu And you have attained that?
Umeshwari I have attained the subtle levels of the mind bypassing the body. This lacuna has caught me up now, which I hope to overcome with your help. As you know, nature has vested me with good physique, beauty, wealth and mind. I have no feeling of envy, greed, anger, because I already possess those things, which are the cause and source of these tendencies except for lust, I have overcome every other negative tendency.
Shantnu How have you overcome?
Umeshwari Actually, overcome, is a misnomer. I should have used an appropriate word and that is ‘understood!’ I have understood them and come out of their influence.
Shantnu Envy, greed and anger and powerful words, how could you understand them if you have not experienced their application in practical life.
Umeshwari Envy and greed are over things which others possess. When I understood my barest needs, the things, I need for my personal use without which I can not survive, I came to know that my needs were negligible and my present means were sufficient to support them. I hardly aspired for more. Gradually but persistently, I confined myself to myself only and tried constantly to sustain with the barest possible necessities of life. You have observed me for some days now. I have contained myself and it supports me efficiently. Self-containment is the solution.
Shantnu Self containing or self-negation?
Umeshwari When the act is voluntary, not self-imposed, the joy is unbound. No act should be suppressed or they might some day sting you at the most inappropriate moments of your life, when you are off guard.
Shantnu But in your case you had suppressed your sensual desires!
Umeshwari Nay my charming man, I had not suppressed them. I had not allowed them to blossom in the natural course. Otherwise, they gave me as sweet pleasure as an actual act would. Whether I had succeeded in my experiment, is to be seen! With you as my anchor, I will sail my mast.
And they hurriedly went through the ritual of dinner and proceeded to their rooms with great expectations of the coming night, hoping it would not
trip off like another Saturday.
Tbc.......