Blatant violations of the laws of Physics

[baudrunner]

I was disturbed to find that the laws of physics are being broken everyday and that the carnage wreaked upon the established and empirically substantiated scientific theories of the classical school of scientific thought is being witnessed as we speak by the very demographic upon whose shoulders will someday rest the burden of the responsibility to ensure that these very same laws are observed and maintained.

I have reproduced these for your perusal and feel secure in so doing since no copyright notice or other instruction of like nature accompanied them. I will however give credit to:

http://webpages.marshall.edu/~hartwel1/humor/MISC/CARTOON_PHYSICS.HTML

Cartoon Law I

Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second takes over.



Cartoon Law II

Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.



Cartoon Law III

Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.



Cartoon Law IV

The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.



Cartoon Law V

All principles of gravity are negated by fear. Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.



Cartoon Law VI

As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once. This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of self- replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.



Cartoon Law VII

Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting.

This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.



Cartoon Law VIII

Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify.

Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.



Cartoon Law IX

Everything falls faster than an anvil.

Cartoon Law X

For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance. This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.



Cartoon Law Amendment A

A sharp object will always propel a character upward. When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.



Cartoon Law Amendment B

The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters. Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.



Cartoon Law Amendment C

Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries. They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.



Cartoon Law Amendment D

Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths. Their operation can be witnessed by observing the behavior of a canine suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first, causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to stretch. As the head begins to fall, tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions until such time as it strikes the ground.



Cartoon Law Amendment E

Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon laws hold). The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which postulated that the tensions involved in maintaining a space would cause the creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang indeed.

[mkirkpatrick]

I was disturbed to find that the laws of physics are being broken everyday and that the carnage wreaked upon the established and empirically substantiated scientific theories of the classical school of scientific thought is being witnessed as we speak by the very demographic upon whose shoulders will someday rest the burden of the responsibility to ensure that these very same laws are observed and maintained.

I have reproduced these for your perusal and feel secure in so doing since no copyright notice or other instruction of like nature accompanied them. I will however give credit to:

http://webpages.marshall.edu/~hartwel1/humor/MISC/CARTOON_PHYSICS.HTML

Cartoon Law I

Any body suspended in space will remain in space until made aware of its situation. Daffy Duck steps off a cliff, expecting further pastureland. He loiters in midair, soliloquizing flippantly, until he chances to look down. At this point, the familiar principle of 32 feet per second takes over.



Cartoon Law II

Any body in motion will tend to remain in motion until solid matter intervenes suddenly. Whether shot from a cannon or in hot pursuit on foot, cartoon characters are so absolute in their momentum that only a telephone pole or an outsize boulder retards their forward motion absolutely. Sir Isaac Newton called this sudden termination of motion the stooge's surcease.



Cartoon Law III

Any body passing through solid matter will leave a perforation conforming to its perimeter. Also called the silhouette of passage, this phenomenon is the speciality of victims of directed-pressure explosions and of reckless cowards who are so eager to escape that they exit directly through the wall of a house, leaving a cookie-cutout-perfect hole. The threat of skunks or matrimony often catalyzes this reaction.



Cartoon Law IV

The time required for an object to fall twenty stories is greater than or equal to the time it takes for whoever knocked it off the ledge to spiral down twenty flights to attempt to capture it unbroken. Such an object is inevitably priceless, the attempt to capture it inevitably unsuccessful.



Cartoon Law V

All principles of gravity are negated by fear. Psychic forces are sufficient in most bodies for a shock to propel them directly away from the earth's surface. A spooky noise or an adversary's signature sound will induce motion upward, usually to the cradle of a chandelier, a treetop, or the crest of a flagpole. The feet of a character who is running or the wheels of a speeding auto need never touch the ground, especially when in flight.



Cartoon Law VI

As speed increases, objects can be in several places at once. This is particularly true of tooth-and-claw fights, in which a character's head may be glimpsed emerging from the cloud of altercation at several places simultaneously. This effect is common as well among bodies that are spinning or being throttled. A `wacky' character has the option of self- replication only at manic high speeds and may ricochet off walls to achieve the velocity required.



Cartoon Law VII

Certain bodies can pass through solid walls painted to resemble tunnel entrances; others cannot. This trompe l'oeil inconsistency has baffled generations, but at least it is known that whoever paints an entrance on a wall's surface to trick an opponent will be unable to pursue him into this theoretical space. The painter is flattened against the wall when he attempts to follow into the painting.

This is ultimately a problem of art, not of science.



Cartoon Law VIII

Any violent rearrangement of feline matter is impermanent. Cartoon cats possess even more deaths than the traditional nine lives might comfortably afford. They can be decimated, spliced, splayed, accordion-pleated, spindled, or disassembled, but they cannot be destroyed. After a few moments of blinking self pity, they reinflate, elongate, snap back, or solidify.

Corollary: A cat will assume the shape of its container.



Cartoon Law IX

Everything falls faster than an anvil.

Cartoon Law X

For every vengeance there is an equal and opposite revengeance. This is the one law of animated cartoon motion that also applies to the physical world at large. For that reason, we need the relief of watching it happen to a duck instead.



Cartoon Law Amendment A

A sharp object will always propel a character upward. When poked (usually in the buttocks) with a sharp object (usually a pin), a character will defy gravity by shooting straight up, with great velocity.



Cartoon Law Amendment B

The laws of object permanence are nullified for "cool" characters. Characters who are intended to be "cool" can make previously nonexistent objects appear from behind their backs at will. For instance, the Road Runner can materialize signs to express himself without speaking.



Cartoon Law Amendment C

Explosive weapons cannot cause fatal injuries. They merely turn characters temporarily black and smoky.



Cartoon Law Amendment D

Gravity is transmitted by slow-moving waves of large wavelengths. Their operation can be witnessed by observing the behavior of a canine suspended over a large vertical drop. Its feet will begin to fall first, causing its legs to stretch. As the wave reaches its torso, that part will begin to fall, causing the neck to stretch. As the head begins to fall, tension is released and the canine will resume its regular proportions until such time as it strikes the ground.



Cartoon Law Amendment E

Dynamite is spontaneously generated in "C-spaces" (spaces in which cartoon laws hold). The process is analogous to steady-state theories of the universe which postulated that the tensions involved in maintaining a space would cause the creation of hydrogen from nothing. Dynamite quanta are quite large (stick sized) and unstable (lit). Such quanta are attracted to psychic forces generated by feelings of distress in "cool" characters (see Amendment B, which may be a special case of this law), who are able to use said quanta to their advantage. One may imagine C-spaces where all matter and energy result from primal masses of dynamite exploding. A big bang indeed.

Are you being and talking in earnest,or are you being serious,just thought i would ask!
kind regards michael.

[harmonygirl]

Baud,
I'm not sure if you are being flip or if you are spending WAY too much time watching cartoons. As for defiance of the laws of physics, Indian fakirs have been doing stuff like this for ages!

[baudrunner]

Baud,
I'm not sure if you are being flip or if you are spending WAY too much time watching cartoons. As for defiance of the laws of physics, Indian fakirs have been doing stuff like this for ages!

So have I. But how could anyone spend way too much time watching cartoons? Here is a partial list of the ones I used to watch when I was a kid, my favorites in bold...

Huckelberry Hound
Quickdraw McGraw
Augie and Doggie
Jinx the Cat featuring Pixie and Dixie
Top Cat
The Flinstones
The Jetsons
Bugs Bunny and the whole Gang from Warner Bros. especially Longhorn Leghorn and the farmer's dog and Sylvester and son and Tweety, and of course Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd and Yosemite Sam and Speedy Gonzales and Pepe la Pieu not to mention the Roadrunner and that genius Wiley Coyote and special thanks to ACME, Maker of Fine Products and of course the artist and supporting cast, Rocky and the Boss, the black panther and the two buddy dogs, the southern gentleman etc etc.

As an adult I enjoy the following, when I get a chance...

The Simpsons
King of the Hill
Duckman

..and I am sure that there are more from both lists that I can't think of right now.

Cartoons taught me that being serious all the time is laughable. Red Skelton taught me that never taking anything too seriously was allowed and should be encouraged. Laughter is communicable. When you tell me that you are not sure whether I am being serious or flippant I feel a sympathetic urge to throw an arm around you and comfort you. When you tell me that you feel like a cigarette, I will tell you "that's funny, you don't look like one". When you ask me how I feel, I will tell you "with my fingers!" That's just me, doesn't mean that I'll never be able to come up with a good TOE, in all seriousness.

[harmonygirl]

I too enjoyed these (and still enjoy them if I happen to catch them on)-Bugs Bunny definitely, especially when Daffy was involved (I particularly like the one about Ali Baba's cave!). I think that your sense of humour will get you closer to the TOE than all the formulas put toghether! Lightness is the key (and harmony, but maybe that's just me).
PS I quit smoking in 1999, but still feel like one every once in a while-and I know I don't look like one!

[baudrunner]

I've always thought that God must have had what I called that "cosmic humour", and I once drew a cartoon of this spinning globe we call earth and a great God using a wand to keep it turning like a top while he slaps his knee with the other hand and nearly falls over backward in glee.

And oh, I forgot Snagglepuss ("Heavens to Murgatroid!"), and Popeye and Olive Oyl, the list is almost endless.

[harmonygirl]

Oh, the Goddess TOTALLY has a sense of humour! (just look at the lemur, for instance-hilarious!). I loved Snagglepuss but Scooby-Doo was my fav.