(God's Trial continued)
“Ha-ha, but what is your real and proper name?”
‘None. I am what I am.”
“Any aliases, like Lord, Jehovah, Almighty, or such?”
“No.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes, those are just more names that people call me, plus even some bad names.”
“But you do exist as you are?”
“Depends on what the meaning of ‘exists’ is.”
“You know, like ‘to be’, being One that is.”
“Depends on what the meaning of ‘is’ is.”
“Is that your lawyer, Bill Clinton, sitting over there?”
“Yes, he can get out of anything.”
“But is he going to talk endlessly in your defense?”
“No, he has been going to on and on anon.”
“Good, now how come we can hear you but we can’t see you?”
“I am invisible, plus, you are schizophrenics.”
“Hey, no name calling, order in the court!”
“I’ll have a cheeseburger, no pickles, no onions.”
“That’s more like it. So you mean we are just hearing voices?”
“Yes—remember the study that showed that 17% percent of priests are schizophrenic, but only 2% of the general population is?”
“Oh, yeah, but You’re not getting off that easily.”
“What did You do before You Created everything?”
“I was being made Myself by Myself.”
“How did You do that?”
“Recursively.”
“Oh, anyway, did you intercourse with a teen-age virgin?
“Hell, no, she was underage. I date 30 billion year old women.”
“Still single?”
“Yes, as Mr. Always Right I just could never find Miss Perfect.”
“So, Jesus was not Your son then.”
“No, he was just a good guy—a human telling stories that everyone expected to hear.”
“But, anyway, you are a ‘He’?”
“So they usually say.”
“Don't You know?”
“Yes, for humans create Me in their image and with their traits, so I am male.”
“You’re not jealous of any of their other imaginary gods?”
“I am above all that lowly human-type emotion stuff. Remember? I am Perfectly Good and totally full of Love.”
“Love is an emotion.”
“That is the only emotion I have, for it is the ultimate one.”
“So, You never do evil.”
“Depends on what ‘evil’ is.”
“Well, as in ‘The Root of Evil’ thread, things like harming others except in self defense, stifling the growth of mind, creating false ways of living, arbitrarily through use of imagination of what ‘could be’?”
“I am not capable of evil. I detest evil. I would hate Myself if I did evil. It is unthinkable. Besides, then I would be in the category of a devil.”
“Is there a Devil?”
“No, I would not tolerate any such thing, for then it would sway humans to sin.”
“You appear to be without fault, but we still have to continue this trial.”
“Did you murder almost everyone on earth with a Great Flood?”
“Heck no, I designed human nature just the way I wanted it to be. What do you think! I’m not a big fat goof. I don’t make mistakes.”
“Some say that you invented the rainbow to proclaim that You made a mistake, but would never do it again?”
“Preposterous. Rainbows are an optical effect.
“Do You do anything wrong?”
“I can’t. I am all Love.”
“Did you give too much love?”
“Yes, I give infinite amounts, but there’s nothing wrong with that.”
“What was the purpose of having dinosaurs around for 650 million years, then extincting them via asteroids?”
“Just playing around.”
“Where was the Intelligent Design in this?”
“There wasn’t any, for I do not exist. Can I go now?”
“No, we know that trick. Whose side are you on in football games?”
“I don’t take sides.”
“Then where do humans get all these ideas about You.”
“You know humans—they just say things.”


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