A completely hairless universe needs at the least an absolute minimum of two quantum barbers. This is demanded by the fundamental rule of every quantum field theory that quantized haircut is a binary not a unary operation. That is to say any three dimensional quantum barbers would not be able to cut their own hair, a process that is equivalent to the exchange of field quanta for any two-particle interaction. These exchange particles are called force bosons, while the interacting particles are usually called matter fermions. However, there is no set maximum for the number of quantum barbers. For all practical purposes, all bosons as well as all fermions can become quantum barbers if necessary at the proper occasion.

Although a quark barber called a gluon can definitely cut everyone’s hair, it prefers to cut only quark customers and of course themselves. Fundamentally, there are six color gluon barbers: the red barber, the green barber, the blue barber, the anti-red barber, the anti-green barber, and the anti-blue barber. Pairings of each color with each anti-color barbers give a total of eight pairs of gluon barbers for the fastidious quark customers. On the other hand, there are four kinds of electroweak barbers: the W-plus, the W-minus, the Z-zero, and the photon. Among them the photon barbers can also cut lepton customers like the electrons, the muons, and the tau particles together with their respective neutrinos. Inconsequentially, there can be left-handed, right-handed, as well as two-handed quantum barbers. Two-handed quantum barbers are extremely difficult to find and they charge double the usual fee for each haircut. Surprisingly, none of the right-handed neutrino barbers, the graviton barbers, the magnetic monopole barbers, or the scalar spin zero Higgs boson barbers can be found. The inevitable implication is that the hair of magnetism and the hair of the space-time continuum become potentially infinitely long and getting longer and longer until their respective quantum barbers can be found. Moreover, no one knows how much they would charge for each haircut, especially in a universe of increasing inflationary thermodynamic entropy.