Coping Strategies

[labelwench]

I very much hear you, Greenbug.

Some folks have advised me to 'just blow them off' when a relationship is experiencing turbulent times. Having invested much of myself in any relationship, this does not seem logical. We need to stand by, allow others to see things through, and assist if requested, otherwise, we are very much denying our own humanity.

Thank you for your thoughts.....

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V0uzb...eature=related

[greenbug]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lD_BoRNEEUQ

sorry couldn't find the original by the eurythmics

I think that song kind goes along with what I was saying. Marlin helps to make it more disturbing, how people depict others.

[labelwench]

Two very different songs by the same artist....


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YD5Iw...eature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5_K_5...eature=related

[labelwench]

Coping strategies, lol.......

Operational difficulties and how to circumvent same.

One option is the direct approach, and it works well for maintenance and repairs, and if one is in the mood for confrontation, unless one rolls up their sleeves and attends to the matter oneself. Even then, if you make others appear lacking, they will not thank you for your efforts.

The indirect approach can be equally effective, although it may require a bit more time to get all of the aspects in play. This method is useful when there are several dynamics interacting and it is important to let others take the credit for the outcome.

As one knows how this came about, it really doesn't matter, because one will benefit from the circumstances one has been catalyst unto.

A catalyst is an agent of change, that is little effected by the change it propitiates.

Power is most effective when used discreetly......

[greenbug]

Most of the time you just get bored with the power to change things and just let things fall where they may, as it is equally as interesting. Or perhaps you just get so good at being discreet with what power you have, you don't even notice your using it any more.

[labelwench]

Boredom is a foreign concept to me, though others complain of it. My problem more often lies in assigning priorities, as there are many things that need doing and many others that I might prefer to attend, lol....

My usual 'coping strategy' at such times is to attend to something on the 'needs doing' list and reward myself with an option of my preference, assigning my time equally. I have a tendency to work hard and play hard also.

A musical interlude........my thread.......my rules, lol.......within the forum parameters.........love it.......

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lP94P...eature=related

Long Cool Woman in a Black Dress" was a song by the rock and roll group, The Hollies, and released on February 1, 1972 as a single on the Parlophone Records label.

It was released soon after Allan Clarke, who was featured on lead guitar as well as lead vocal had left the group, from their album "Distant Light" (1970). As the group had just left EMI/Parlophone and signed with Polydor, they did not promote the song. However it became a No. 2 hit in the United States, their greatest ever singles success there. It was inspired and in the style of the rock and roll group Creedence Clearwater Revival, and on being reactivated by EMI in Britain a few months later, it reached No. 32.

The song is notable in that it features Clarke playing rhythm guitar, something he rarely did (Clarke came up with the song's signature guitar rhythm that opens the song).

Taken from: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Long_Coo...

[labelwench]

In the forum of open debate, individuals who pursue same utilize the full range of their expression in an endeavor to convey their precise understanding of the topic under discussion.

Debate quite frequently involves a dialogue of opposing views or 'understandings', unlike a 'discussion', wherein the viewpoints are more closely aligned and the parties work somewhat in harmony to further their own understanding, often for a common purpose.

The adversarial nature that may arise in some forums of debate is one reason why not all persons of logical thought process care to participate in such endeavor. Even, or especially, very competitive and logical persons may avoid debate for the simple reason that they recognize that an injurious word or tone taken, even in debate, is forever stored in the mind, and serves as a counter-balance to any future interaction with the individual(s) involved in the discussion.

There is another means of participating, and that is the process known as 'auditing'.

One may merely bear witness to the exchange and tone between parties involved.

There is far more to be learned by this process than some may realize, and it offers the further advantage of retaining unto oneself the position of reserving one's opinion or decision until such time as one feels it may be of import.

Amazing how seldom one's opinion is of that great enormity, and one avoids trampling emotions and egos in the process.

The 'truth' ever has been and remains to be the 'truth'.

Only our perceptions and understanding of the world around us ever changes.

[greenbug]

What often bothers me is how ego is often elusive to ones self. In defense of being wrong one has put forth effort and ability, to lose debate is to lose face. To no longer be credited by or accepted by ones peers is a lonely place, no one sees the doubt and or angst others have to deal with because with every person it is different.

To remember that the reason for discussion or debate is for the pursuit of truth, beyond our emotions or ego can be difficult. What often aggravates a situation is misunderstanding and abstract or logical situations that do exist that are out of context to a subject. Explanation or understanding of such situations or context is a rare ability that is rewarded and often sought by every one. Even if such an ability can only be achieved by few.

[labelwench]

What often bothers me is how ego is often elusive to ones self. In defense of being wrong one has put forth effort and ability, to lose debate is to lose face. To no longer be credited by or accepted by ones peers is a lonely place, no one sees the doubt and or angst others have to deal with because with every person it is different.

To remember that the reason for discussion or debate is for the pursuit of truth, beyond our emotions or ego can be difficult. What often aggravates a situation is misunderstanding and abstract or logical situations that do exist that are out of context to a subject. Explanation or understanding of such situations or context is a rare ability that is rewarded and often sought by every one. Even if such an ability can only be achieved by few.

You raise two very good points here, Greenbug, and have stated them well, IMO.

Our culture and society is still far more competitive than co-operative in most regards, and the individual who will take the side of debate that is less popular, is frequently misunderstood and often even maligned or disadvantaged simply for having stated a perspective that needs be considered when viewing any context of the whole.

From some earlier community work that interfaced with politics, I encountered many persons who trusted me sufficiently that they would share their thoughts with me, but would not go on public record in aiding me for fear that there would be some personal attack or loss of personal advancement in job opportunity.

As I have ever been independent in my choice of employment, I had a broad base of support which could not be attacked from that particular angle, and so it often fell to me to take the 'point position' so to speak.

Yes, one does well to listen more often than to speak, in many circumstances, reserving one's opinion for those occasions when one choses.

Thank you for bringing these points forward. I respect and appreciate your perspective.

[austintorn@aol.com]

Enjoining

Angelina had been hurt in the past,
Though undaunted by it, as she had told Peter
That third morning on the porch,
Hurt by miseries that she’d weathered well,
For not so much as a crease crossed her brow.

Peter already loved her for her spirit,
But, of course, it was too soon to tell her that,
So, he listened well and talked well,
In these morning meetings,
Having resorted to
Going into work late and working late.

The town was empty at this time of day,
But for the toddlers and the elderly.

This morning the new friends took a walk
Around the back of the house,
Passing through the rusty gate,
And took a sour drink of rhubarb,
Spitting out the sour pulp.

Peering into the garage they saw
A perfectly preserved model-A car,
Left there when grandpa’s sight had dimmed.

In the yard they inhaled the scents of the Marigolds,
The flowers that followed the summer lost,
Right up through the final frost,
And, finally, they sat on the old garden bench,
Near the birdbath, under the massive oak tree.

She removed her straw hat,
Her bright golden curls shining
In the shade, like a secondary sun.

Between kisses, she related more of her past,
The living book that we all learn from,
For there is seemingly no shortcut
To the bliss of life in middle age.

“For a while there I gave up on life,” she confided,
“Before I found Program and before I knew myself
And loved myself for who I was.
At first I was angry at the loss of love,
Which led me to the avoidance and hatred
Of the one thing that I did want: love and security;
Yes, it’s a strange paradox,
And once I’d given up on life,
I began to die a little more each day.
Other relationships came
But there was always fear before and guilt after,
The whole scene but a downward spiral
From which I could not recover.”

“Me, too,” answered Peter.
“For a while I retreated from the game,
To the sidelines,
Where I could neither win nor lose, and lived,
If you could call it that,
In that gray safety zone that knows
Neither suffering nor enjoyment,
Neither victory nor defeat—
Where the air was unchanging and stifling.”

“I know, Peter, I know.
And I’ve learned since then
That one must either love or love not—
There is no safe middle ground,
Just round and round,
Like an amusement park ride,
Apparently safe
In the self-made berm and bunker,
But in reality trapped
By all the dizzying sights and sounds.”

“So then what did you do?” he asked, quietly.

“I discovered that life was a two sided coin—
The barrier that kept me in
Was the same one that kept love out.
I used support programs and books like ‘DO IT’
To see an emotional duality as well.
I realized that the other side of fear was excitement,
That excitement was exactly the same feeling as fear—
That excitement was fear turned inside out
And that I could, for example,
Give a presentation at a meeting,
Which once might have been a fearful thing,
But was now exciting since I was on center stage
And had the whole audience hanging on my every word.
That same pit of my stomach in which fear cowered
Now harbored excitement waiting to burst forth.
Then I looked at the other side of my hurt
And saw that it reminded me of where caring had gone—
It was my unconditional gift to another human being—
And then the hurt suddenly had meaning.
As for my anger, I turned its energy to my advantage,
Like a judo expert, redirecting the force of another’s attack,
And used the energy for change,
To move forward.
Soon I was happy and singing and looking forward
To my next experience—
And here it is—and here you are!”

“I’ve found a joy in you, Angelina,
One that carries me through the workday,
To where I must soon go forth.”

“OK, I’ll be short.
That’s the key,” she continued.
“Joy is everything. With joy,
One can survive all sorts
Of duties and whatnot.
Joy is the background radiation
That is always there no matter what the chore.
In fact, the word ‘joy’ doesn’t even have an opposite.”

“Un-joy?”

“Nice try, but as you can see and feel,
There is no end to joy;
Also, note that there’s even a word
That means more joy.”

“En-joy.”

“Yes, good, Peter.
Joy never ends but can only go higher—
The repetition enhances it.
Do you know the word?”

“Re-joice.”

“Great, joy is uplifting
And keeps you afloat no matter what.
It cannot be dampened,
Even while you’re working hard or during an illness.
It’s always there and never lets you sink.”

“Joy’s a buoy!”

“Good! And when two people
Want to give joy to each other, they—”

“—They join.”

“Wonderful, Peter.
How do you know all these word sounds?”

“I’m a poet. And a philosopher in a past life.”

“You do seem so familiar to me.”

“I have to go to work now, I guess,”
Peter said hesitatingly.

“You’re ‘I guess’ is my opening.
Stay with me today; it is time.”
“I must—yes, I must stay with you;
It is true, but where?”

“The barn down the lane—it has a hayloft.”
“No one uses it?”

“Not for a long time. Let’s go.”