Coping Strategies

[labelwench]

Cope, n. - long cloak worn by ecclesiastics in processions

Cope, v.i. & i. - Furnish with a cope; cover (wall etc.)

Cope, v.i. - Contend evenly, grapple successfully, with (person, task).

Everyone has a coping mechanism. Defensive, offensive or self-destructive.

Feel free to start without me.....

[austintorn@aol.com]

Some usual but not too successful coping strategies from an on-line place, but I guess it's good to recognize these to get them out of the way in order to get on to some better ways of coping:

Denial; an outright refusal or inability to accept some aspect of reality that is troubling. For example: "this thing has not happened" when it actually has.

Splitting; a person cannot stand the thought that someone might have both good and bad aspects, so they polarize their view of that person as someone who is "all good" or "all bad". Any evidence to the contrary is ignored. For example: "My boss is evil", after being let go from work, when in reality, the boss had no choice in the matter and was acting under orders herself. Splitting functions by way of Dissociation, which is an ability people have in varying amounts to be able to wall off certain experiences and not think about them.

Projection; a person's thought or emotion about another person, place or thing is too troubling to admit, and so, that thought or emotion is attributed to originate from that other person, place or thing. For example: "He hates me", when it is actually the speaker who hates. A variation on the theme of Projection is known as "Externalization". In Externalization, you blame others for your problems rather than owning up to any role you may play in causing them.

Passive-aggression; A thought or feeling is not acceptable enough to a person to be allowed direct expression. Instead, that person behaves in an indirect manner that expresses the thought or emotion. For example: Failing to wash your hands before cooking when you normally would, and happen to be cooking for someone you don't like.

Acting out; an inability to be thoughtful about an impulse. The impulse is expressed directly without any reflection or consideration as to whether it is a good idea to do so. For example: a person attacks another person in a fit of anger without stopping to consider that this could seriously wound or disfigure that other person and/or possibly result in legal problems.

Fantasy; engaging in daydreams about how things should be, rather than doing anything about how things are. For example: Daydreaming of killing a bully, instead of taking concrete action to stop the bully from bothering you.

[melanie]

1. Laugh Every Day.
Seriously ... laughter is good for you. And when things
“just aren’t funny”
-- that’s the most important time to laugh.
Try this at home: Watch Funniest Home Videos with the sound off and Spike Jones playing instead.



2. Don’t Worry, You’re Already Funny.
Instead of trying to be funny, learn to see funny.
Especially learn to see what’s funny about you.
Imagine God watching the Comedy Channel, and you are what’s on.



3. Bring Laughter to the Outernet.
Take the best of those jokes you get on the internet and share them on the “outernet.”
Practice by telling the same joke to five people.
Short jokes are fine.
Remember, it’s not the length of the joke that matters,
it’s how much pleasure it gives.



4. Savor and Save Humorous Healing Stories.
A good laughsitive cleanses the system and leaves the mind open to receive nourishment.
Keep a notebook of jokes that “enlighten as they lighten.”
You will find yourself remembering and using them just at the right time.



5. Turn Worry Into Laughter.
When you find yourself worrying about something,
step back from the worry and see if you can find something in the situation to laugh about.
Worrying has no proven benefits. Laughter does.
Did you know that one Youngman of laughter
-- the mirth contained in the average one-liner -- can release up to a megahurt of emotional pain?



6. Reframe Suffering as Comedy in Disguise.
Sing the blues when you are angry, sad or frustrated.
If you must complain, complain creatively -- and thoroughly enjoy your complaining.
Say, “You know what I love about this ....?” Look for the comedy “hidden in this picture.
” (e.g., “I’m not on the verge of bankruptcy.
I’m just having a near-debt experience.”)



7. Build Critical “Muscle” By Pumping Ironies.
Looking for the inherent contradictions and incongruities in situations helps build a strong body politic 12 ways.
Train your inner child to ask,
“How come that emperor isn’t wearing any clothes?”
When you watch the news or read the papers,
be on the lookout for truth disguised as humor.



8. Develop a Comic Alter Ego.
A shy, mild-mannered man named Edgar Bergen went “inside” and found a brash,
outrageous alter ego which he called Charlie McCarthy -- who would do and say things that would make Edgar blush.
Even if your “character”
never makes it beyond your bathroom mirror,
a comic alter ego is a great way to give voice to daily frustrations and lovingly laugh at your own “shadow.”
One of the best ways to break the addiction to your own personality is try some other ones on!



9. Write Your Laugh Story.
Spend an afternoon or evening writing your life story as if it were a comedy.
Which comic actors could play your family, friends and foes? Who would you get to play your part?
Give your story a title. A friend of mine calls his
“Don’t Do What I Did!”



10. Play Regularly.
Have you ever felt the Creator is toying with you?
Well then, follow Swami Beyondananda’s sage advice and become a creative plaything.
Bring the childlike quality of play back into your life.
Run up the down escalator.
Dress for Halloween -- any day the mood hits you.
Plant the seeds of harmless fun wherever you go.



~ Swami Beyondananda

[labelwench]

Knowledge, or the quest thereof, is another means by which we face our challenges and concerns.

The following link is a pictoral account of human circadian rhythms.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/File:Bi...lock_human.PNG

[austintorn@aol.com]

Knowledge is essential, such as the human circadian rhythms, cricket rhythms, the brain, and the tendencies of human behavior.

Some of the coping mechanisms, as with the non positive ones I gave, can come up automatically as reactive responses if the emotions are not mature, as is usually always the case for children. In adults, too, they can sneak in almost unconsciously.

It's almost as if people shouldn't listen to their own thoughts, but, of course, thoughts presented can seem as gospel.

I can see from LW's rhythm site that working at night could turn someone inside out and upside down. Then their feet could smell and their nose could run, this being a total reversal.

[austintorn@aol.com]

— Stress Exercise —

Breathe in all that’s good, breathe out all that’s bad;
Peace flows into you—it’s warm, wet, and glad.
Feel it spread throughout your body, then say,
“This is the best life that I’ve ever had!”

[austintorn@aol.com]

— The Return from Oblivion —

Hectic and hurried, we rush to success—
Serenity can’t find us unless
We slow down, see shades, hear tones, feel textures,
Smell scents, and enjoy life’s loving caress.

[labelwench]

Often times, when faced with a situation that one does not know where to proceed from, you have a window of opportunity during which you can just wait.

Waiting is a very effective coping strategy, and given our human nature, a difficult one to master.

Time will frequently reveal more information, allowing us to decide from a broader data base.

Experience aids us in deciding which situations will benefit from time. We may also seek the counsel of others who have more experience in dealing with similar circumstances.

Waiting is an excellent coping strategy, but not applicable to all situations.

[austintorn@aol.com]

Oftentimes, only a few seconds of waiting will suffice, during which time some more creative solutions may present themselves; for the zero second wait of a reactive mind does not always work out very well.

[labelwench]

Conflict is another means of coping.

— ORIGIN Latin conflictus ‘a contest’.

In the flowing current that is life, you may choose to swim upstream, travel the trough, or allow the current to choose your direction.

You may travel on top of the water, in the water, under the water. You can be the water......