In the Beginning…
At an arbritrary point in time
God obtained some material somewhere,
Stuck with its limitations,
And thus created
The Heavens and the Earth.
Eve then cost Adam a rib,
Later on an arm and a leg.
Cain killed Abel to have sex
With (whom?)
Since it was so hard to multiply
While being fruitful.
Cain killed Abel and so
We are all Cain’s children.
So, our ancestors descended
Not from the trees,
But from God’s
Evil human nature Design.
Noah married Joan of Arc and then took her
And all their pets on a world cruise,
Noting the rest of the human race
As dead and drowned.
God played a big joke on Abraham,
Whose kind had often made burnt offerings
When popping the corn or
Overcooking the Lamb of God.
Moses then tied his ass to a tree
And wandered away to cleanse the tribes,
Then lost his way for 40 years,
Not even stopping to ask directions.
The ancient Egyptians fleeced the electrolytes
While the Futurians wrote many letters.
God made spiritual love to a virgin,
And Jesus was born Jewish,
Then converted to Christianity,
Died, and was born-again
On Easter (Let us Raise the Lord!),
But not before Jesus
Had made water into wine,
Perhaps encouraging alcoholism.
Mass was served by the altered boys
And even odd girls, all then preyed upon.
Lent soon became fast-food only time
And so Fat Tuesday was invented
To tide one over.
(Every Friday the priests had nun.)
God be in my heart,
My mind, and my end.
Thank God!
Sleep be with you.
A-choo.