Robert crawls into the pub

[austintorn@aol.com]

The threads tying Robert down were many posts from Mel placed in all forums, the pending death of a thousand cuts. Dr. MJA and all were also in stitches and drank to his health and wealth.

[Graybeard]

But before the super hero named Doctor left the pub he turned to the tea soaked bartender and said: "I'll be back for you!"

The bartender, whose name was Dave, was unimpressed. Like all bartenders, he was a phlegmatic type, a particularly hardened one, even for the species. He'd seen it all before. Countless neurotic, paranoid TOEQuesters had breasted his bar demanding all sorts of elixirs.

He had watched them degenerate into whimpering wrecks under the influence of alcohol, dropping bits of their theories all over the floor. Handing pages of unintelligible tracts out to any who showed an interest ... or didn't. It was all equal to him.

Meanwhile Robert was experiencing that false dawn, that sudden surge of ebullience that precedes the final collapse. He was dancing in his underwear, purple satin shorts with images of the Phantom, the Ghost who walks, emblazoned all over them. His body was white, it had not felt the sun's rays for many a year, just the eerie half lit, ultra violet glow of a computer monitor.

Dave the barmen, noticing the pallor of Roberts skin, quickly threw together a concoction containing, amongst other things, worcestershire sauce, cayenne pepper, quinine, lime juice, tomato juice, palm sugar and a huge tablet of Vitamin D, which was all the more strange as vitamin D does not normally come in tablet form. A drunken Graybeard mused that even the sun's rays are putty in Dave's hands.

Those still upright at the bar watched in amazement as Dave the barman prepared this lethal cocktail. His movements were fluid, matter in absolute motion. He seemed to defy the laws of physics as everyone else understood them.

After what seemed a relative age to the observers, but was in reality only a few seconds of the spacetime continuum, the drink was ready, plopping either an olive or a proton into the drink, Dave commanded the nearest wreck, Rascal puff, who actually did have a gray beard, to take the T(or)onic to Robert.

Robert, who was at that moment performing a pirouette around Mikal and Melanie, who were both locked in close conversation, reached out effortlessly and drained it to the last drop.

Immediately he went rigid, his very particles seemed to be entangled, and then ...... were the drunken toequesters really seeing what they were seeing, were their bulging, popping eyes deceiving them ?

to be continued by others ........

[Mikal]

In all the chaos of the pub, Robert seemingly in a frozen, rigid state, the Doc removing him through the door and countless inebriated Toequesters....absolutely nobody saw Austin slip out to retreive his CIA sachel....with swift adieu he had recognized the Doctor as really the Russian CIA spy operative Dr. Moreau.....
Mikal swiftly reverse engineered into Agent Peepers as Austin reverted from Pope Austin 1 back to his old identity as Special Agent Secret...
With Robert gone in just his underwear....Agent Austin informed all the drunken and shocked Toequesters that Robert was now in grave danger....the Russians were probably after the Theory of Everything.
Agent Peepers informed everyone that if Dr. Moreau got Robert to the Hospital...special Russian plants might remove Robert to the basement to perform anything from waterboarding, electroshock or even a lobotomy.........to crush his Toequest Empire and retrieve the secrets of the Theory.....

The pub fell deadly quiet.....

[austintorn@aol.com]

The van took off with Robert a captive inside. Graham, posing as a toll collector, leapt out of the booth and subdued the surprised driver, threw him out and then took Robert to a safe medical facility.

Robert was in bad shape; they had to inject adrenaline directly into his heart, a rather risky procedure.

Robert wavered between life and death, glimpsing even more of the TOE therein, but he eventually recovered, then had to attend a thousand step program and swear off all drink.

The best thing was that Robert had had his new underwear on and not some old ratty stuff, just as his mother had always told him to do in case of emergency.

It turned out that the TOE was just that some stuff had to exist because a state of nothingness could not.

[austintorn@aol.com]

Some may wonder how Graham knew where to be—in that toll booth.

Well, no one wanted a mess at a hospital and luckily Mikal noted the direction and description of the van and radioed Graham, who then followed the van from in front, turning left or right when the van put its turn signal on. The van driver was too busy looking in the mirror for any pursuit behind and didn't notice Graham's maneuvers.

Once they were on the tollway, Graham sped far ahead, at one hundred miles an hour, parked near a closed booth, flashed his TOE membership card and assumed a new persona, switching to the correct toll booth at the last moment.

Later, a sober Robert still schemed to be able to drink, planning to swear on a bible that he didn't believe in, but they made him swear on the TOE and so he had to quit drinking for good.

[Mikal]

Some may wonder how Robert lost his clothes and how he got into the back of Mikal's van and what was Greg doing out in the parking lot, who were the creatures Robert felt were terrorizing him, where was MJ after Dr. Moreau took on his identity and how did the "famous pen" picture get into the back of Mikal's van and where are Robert's clothes???????

Everyone has a piece to the missing information...

To be continued by the knowers...



Mikal

[baudrunner]

baudrunner staggers, nay floats, out of what he had presumed to be the men's room. The club being the way it was it was hard to distinguish the gender icon on the door as not a woman, what with its legs spread and all, so, yes, he walked out through the wrong door. Nevertheless, the herbal essence in the cubicle he had left behind bespoke (!) of the placid demeaner and psychadelic reality his perceptions exhibited with the chick who opened the door as he was patiently tucking his fellow back inside on his way off the bidet.

"no harm done," he murmured to Robert, who was slithering toward him in that characteristic but wholly etherial way, to trip him up again. Robert would lie with any righteous one in the TOEquest world. Robert grimaced at the giant wet streak that ran down the back of baudrunner's jeans.

baudrunner slipped back into his chair, wondering how - and when - he got there. He was feeling very moist.

"That's just the way life works," he mused. "By the way," he continued to the yellow belt beside him, "what the eff just happened!?", as he adjusted his seat for maximum dryness.

[theunify]

The threads tying Robert down were many posts from Mel placed in all forums, the pending death of a thousand cuts. Dr. MJA and all were also in stitches and drank to his health and wealth.

thunify overhears this clever jab and gets defensive, "oh no did they realize it was me, I was that guy who got drunk and started a fight with the guy in the wheelchair, and oh boy... does he remember... he can't, play it cool"

theunify sips his drink and looks around, out of the corner of his eye he sees men playing darts, women in all states of drunkeness, and weird bizarres music, being sung to on this giant screen that also seemed to reek of a moody, gloomy, club rotten scene;

theunify is dazzled by this, he sets a dollar on the table and plays video poker, joker!

[G_burnett]

To facilitate Mikal and Austin in there handicap of no kindergarten attend the real education that goes on there, graham came into the pub after getting Robert to the hospital and detox center, ordered a double Jack on Pluto ice rocks and called the down hearted looking fellow over.

It is Christmas where your from Austin so I am going to give you a gift that will be self explanatory in answer to all your questions of "how" things work for me.

I got this as a special prize from a company with high rank, fellow called General Mills or something knew it had to be important... the time sage was attending pre school on earth an had a snack time and he passed it on to me as a dangerous weapon he thought and ever séance it has been a curse to me.

Behold! it glow green and thus have called it the "Green Lantern Ring", the original box was full of these little torus shapes and sage ate them at lunch ... enjoy, let Mikal in on the secret too would you? Instructions not needed you will see.

Thanks graham

[theunify]

To facilitate Mikal and Austin in there handicap of no kindergarten attend the real education that goes on there, graham came into the pub after getting Robert to the hospital and detox center, ordered a double Jack on Pluto ice rocks and called the down hearted looking fellow over.

It is Christmas where your from Austin so I am going to give you a gift that will be self explanatory in answer to all your questions of "how" things work for me.

I got this as a special prize from a company with high rank, fellow called General Mills or something knew it had to be important... the time sage was attending pre school on earth an had a snack time and he passed it on to me as a dangerous weapon he thought and ever séance it has been a curse to me.

Behold! it glow green and thus have called it the "Green Lantern Ring", the original box was full of these little torus shapes and sage ate them at lunch ... enjoy, let Mikal in on the secret too would you? Instructions not needed you will see.

Thanks graham

"Hey, you there, theunify didn't you see the person who killed Robert?" asks Graham

shittttttttttttttttttt....Nawww..aa boss, I ain't kill em' he des bez beats ben.

at this point theunify boasted about his role in saving Robert.

"I wonder if they can see me lying, behind this front is the murderer, I killed Robert, I killed him, no!!!!!!!!!"

At this point theunify confused and a little drunk spills his drink as he pays his bar tab to leave, he thinks he hears someone opening the door...



~theunify