THE ITCHY CONVENTION
Many of the claimers of absolute knowledge
Of the workings of the invisible unknown
Had been gathered into a conference room,
For here they would be face to face
With all the variant and differing
‘Proved’ beliefs of ultimate truth
That were so indubitable
To each of their sponsors
Here there would be none of
The ‘neglect’ of contradictions,
For while the individual beliefs
Were very personal,
And thus unassailable—
Since they had each
Merely thought of them,
There would be unavoidable debate.
We knew, too, that they would all get angry,
And so, to accelerate the process,
Itching powder had been sprayed
Into the air beforehand.
“There are no gods, just ways of life
Indicated by the consciousness of the universe.”
“Nope, there is one God.”
“Ha, hardly. There are many Gods,
Krishna just being of of the better known ones.”
Wham! “Go eat a sacred cow!”
Baam! “There is no Heaven or Hell.”
Whammo! “Have a nice warm trip there.”
“My all loving God wouldn’t torture anyone in Hell;
That’s more like a Devil would do.”
Punch! “Don’t call my God a Devil.”
“No change to what ‘is’ is needed.”
“What! One must greatly reduce
Or banish the ego altogether! It is Satan.”
“Well, can’t use an ego to banish an ego.”
“The ego will surely be gone after death.”
“But we never die; we are an ongoing dream.”
“OK, never mind; I love you, Mel.”
“Jesus was Divine, fat Jewish head.”
“No way, Islamic monster;
You stole that concept.”
“Death to you, infidel.
Mohammed is the main man,
For an Angel told him everything.”
“God talked to me and said
That the Book of Mormon
Is the true faith.”